dropping the f bomb

Class.

If one comes from a background such as mine, largely influenced by academic circles, the word “class” often has a derogatory meaning.  Class systems, class structures, classist views - all are meant to keep certain populations subservient and “down.”  While I tend to agree with many of these viewpoints, at the same time, I personally hold a more colloquial definition of “class” close to my heart, and that is what I’m choosing to address here.

I define class as possessing an inherent uncompromising personal dignity.  I think the phrase “a class act” to describe a person who feels that they are worth something, and does not bend to the lowest common denominator to present themselves to the world.  Showing “class” is not at all proportionate to the amount of money one makes, as I can think of many wealthy and highly visible individuals who display a commensurate lack of class through uncouth, perverse, and unrefined behavior.

Tools through which one can maintain a sense of self-esteem and dignity are very much the common topics addressed in self-help books and therapy.  I’ll admit readily - I am very much an avid supporter of both!  Lately, I’ve been struck by the enormous number of bestselling books within the self-help genre - which, often was formerly dedicated to woo-woo positive thinking and manifesting behaviors - that now incorporate colloquial profanity as part of their titles. Here are a couple of the better known ones (and honestly, I like both!):

You are a Bad Ass
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

...among many, many, many more

I get it - it’s a trend, an of the moment marketing ploy intended to get our attention, while simultaneously promoting the ideals of self-responsibility and self-improvement.  I do not believe the authors of these tomes have bad intentions; in fact, I’ve read a large number of these books, and have derived some great suggestions out of them!  However, I’m finding myself to be both saddened and demoralized by the normalization of profane language in public.

For those of you who know me personally, you’re likely shocked to hear me say this “out loud,” and you might cry “hypocrite!” (I don’t blame you.)  I will fully and readily admit the following: I have a terrible habit of cursing.  I have a terrible habit of reveling in scatological humor (poop jokes).  I am a fan of Beavis and Butthead and pretty much everything Mike Judge ever has or ever will produce.  I often have no “head to mouth filter.”  I’ve undoubtedly been influenced by many years of: playing in metal bands, working in tattoo shops, spending time behind the console in recording studios, and ultrarunning.  These are all disciplines not exactly known for “clean communication,” to say the least.  And that’s fine!  I still dearly love all of these disciplines and circles, believe me, and adore my friends I’ve made through my engagement with them.

Yet lately, I’ve had a bit of an personal awakening.  I’ve resolved to “drop the F-bomb.”  It’s not because I have some sort of “I’m better than you” attitude, but I believe I’m a quality person with a confident sense of dignity.  I strive daily to be a better person than I was yesterday.  As I’ve improved my life circumstances beyond recognition over the past several years, I’ve committed to monitoring my language more closely, as I want my outsides to match my insides, both in public AND in private.  I feel good.  I want to sound as good as I feel these days.  I invite you all to CALL ME OUT.  I want my outward behavior to reflect my inward transformation.  Believe me, this is turning out to be one of the most challenging habits to break; I’m slipping up a bunch, but I have faith that I’m going to be able to correct this behavior which has become more of a verbal tic rather than an emphatic statement.

I’ve always run my business ventures in a professional manner.  When around children or a significant other’s parents or at a church function (I was a church organist for many years, a lesser-known fact!), I have ALWAYS been able to curb my tongue.  So, I know I’m perfectly capable of purporting myself in a more dignified manner.

It’s tough, however.  One needs only to scroll through Facebook or other social media to see a preponderance of fucks, shits, and misspellings.  I’m shocked by how commonplace the supreme lack of editing of professional promotional materials has become.  Just a few days ago, I saw a friend post on Facebook about a training video for a college she has started to attend, and the word “licensing” was misspelled.  (You know, because in a training video for a college, we should have typos.  Right?)

I personally hate the term “grammar nazi” - I feel that learning correct grammar and spelling is simply a necessary life skill, both for personal and work-related communication.  In fact, I told a group of college students in a talk last week that going through four years of college education will help set them apart when applying to jobs simply by giving them excellent writing skills to set them apart from other job applicants.

This blog is about adulting - about learning skills to be an adult.  To address my readers: I believe being an adult means to purport yourself with the inherent dignity that you - and all humans - possess.  OWN IT.  OWN YOUR DIGNITY.  It does not mean that you are ignoring your past by portraying yourself eloquently in the present.  Choose your language carefully and reserve the most “colorful” terms for - umm - extreme circumstances that merit the choice.  (Things do have more impact, after all, when they occur only rarely, rather than within every sentence.). Proofread your writing.  Set the bar higher for humanity.  Just because everyone else presents themselves in a particular way doesn’t mean that you have to do the same thing, and it most certainly doesn’t mean that you think you’re “better than.”  It means you value yourself and your self-worth.  And isn’t that a vital part of “self-care?”

Whether or not you have money, whether or not you’re employed, be a class act. I believe you’re worth it.